Divorce Coaching
Why should I consider a Divorce Coach?
Divorce is likely to be one of the biggest and most heart wrenching life transitions you will ever make and yet, we are often expected to solve all these big decisions on our own at a very emotional time. Either that or we exhaust our friends and family when they are also likely to be hurting and grieving your loss.
As your divorce coach I understand this process both personally and professionally. I will provide a neutral space for you to calmly and confidently work out what you want and how to communicate it to your spouse, legal team family, friends and colleagues. Rather than making often costly, knee jerk decisions that can create a life time of hurt let’s spend the time together to move through your divorce with care and dignity.
How I can help.
Discovery Session
I offer a free no obligation phone call to all my new clients. This is a time for me to listen to your needs and expectations for counselling or coaching and for us to have a conversation about how we might work together.
Making a plan
This is the stage where you may be feeling uncertain about leaving your partner and need to work through your doubts in a confidential space. You may wish to learn how to communicate this kindly with your spouse with honesty and integrity. It may be a time when your spouse has asked for a divorce that you were not expecting, leaving you feeling blindsided, angry and devastated. Whichever it is for you there are many difficult decisions and emotions to work through. Spend time to work with me to get sure on what you want and what you may need to compromise on in order to achieve an amicable divorce.
Finding Legal Representation
I have built a strong network of family lawyers, accountants, GPs, and other caring professionals who can assist you through your separation. As a coach or counsellor, I do not give legal advice but if and when you need that I will help you find the right person for you and your budget. It can help both emotionally and financially if you contact a lawyer once you are clear and confident of your needs.
Finances
Divorce is costly regardless of if you are the main income earner or a stay-at-home parent. Everyone must adjust their lifestyle and expectations especially through the recovery phase. I can help you work through household budgets and contact an accountant. This is an essential process to gain a realistic idea of what you can and cannot afford when you are on your own and how you wish to fairly divide your joint assets.
Co-Parenting /
Setting Boundaries
Divorce can be really tough on children regardless of their age. Depending on their age there may be several years where you need to be able to communicate effectively with your ex-spouse in a manner that puts the children first. As your divorce coach I will help you work through your co-parenting agreement and look at ways you can manage yourself when communicating with your ex-spouse. I can also have sessions together with you and your children to help build your new family unit.
Beyond Divorce
I once heard someone describe divorce as a death without the funeral. Your life and the lives of your family and friends are changed forever. It takes time to allow yourself to let go of the life you had hoped to have and re-create a new life. I integrate counselling and coaching skills to help you to find peace with what has happened then move beyond divorce and into a new chapter. I honour the process you are going through and I encourage you to dare to look forward. Grief is not a linear process we suddenly move out of – it takes time, patience, and courage. When you work with me, I will help you walk down the path of building a secure and happy life. We will spend time for you to get to know what your values and strengths are and how you can draw on these for the rest of your life. It is a time for planning, for self-care, for healing and growth.
Common Questions
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This is generally a 15-20 minute phone call where we can discuss where you are in your divorce process and start to identify where you most need support. It is also a chance for you to get a feel for who I am and whether we would be a good fit to work together.
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No. I am not a lawyer and would never offer you legal advice. What I can do though is assist you through this process and I work with a wide network of family lawyers, accountants and other divorce professionals who will be able to help you.
Legal advice can be costly and as your coach I will work with you so that when you do meet with your lawyer you go with a good understanding of what your needs are and you can work with your lawyer in constructive manner.
Even the most collaborative of divorces will be stressful at times, as your coach or counsellor I will guide you through the practical preparation and the emotional work so you can show up as a credible client with your lawyer.
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You may wish to have a couple of sessions to work on specific issues as you need to. Or you may wish to commit to more regular sessions together which is more cost effective. This can be discussed on our introductory call together.
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There are times when clients ask me to be a support person and depending on the situation this is a possibility if the lawyer or other party agrees and thinks it might be useful. Mostly though our focus would be working one to one before the appointment to ensure you are well prepared and confident to attend your appointment by yourself.
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I have a private room available for coaching in Christchurch or we can also meet online or a mixture of both.
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A Divorce Coach is specifically trained to guide you through the whole divorce process and beyond.
Often, we think of divorce as a legal matter but in reality, the legal process attends only to part of your divorce - to your legal entitlements and requirements.
Most people who have experienced a divorce would agree that it is knowing how to navigate a new identity, how to guide a young family in a healthy co parenting arrangement, budgeting on your own, working through friendships and family related grief, perhaps working through a betrayal, and eventually settling in to living a new life which has purpose and happiness is where the real challenges are. This is where working with a coach or a counsellor can be really beneficial, and I will walk with you down this path while you figure it all out.