Ending and Beginnings

“The only constant in life is that life is not constant”.

I’m not sure where I first saw that quote or who said it first, but those words have helped me to navigate and accept difficult seasons in my life.  Knowing that we are always changing, and that life will throw us curveballs occasionally helps me to embrace life with a sense of unknowing and acceptance that sometimes we experience hard endings, but if we are willing to explore a different life, we can in fact find happiness and contentment.

I was reflecting recently with a client how much her life had changed since we first met, and she has given me permission to share her story.  Our therapeutic relationship began (as often is the case) when my client reached out for help to make sense of change happening in her life that she did not want and was struggling to see a way forward.  Recently separated her whole life had been tipped upside down and change was happening at a pace she could not cope with.  Out of the blue her life partner had called quits on their years long relationship leaving her confused, angry and lacking the mental capacity to make sensible decisions for her future and for her children’s future.  Friends and family were supportive and caring but she was tired of endlessly re hashing her story and had feeling that everyone just wanted her to “move on”.  Yes, moving on is important but how do we do that when our bodies and brains are in overdrive trying to process a perceived threat to our sense of future safety and connection?

Along with her family to care for, Amy works as a manager for a large organisation. She loves her job and knows she is good at it but lately she had noticed her patience for her staff was low and she was not working at her normal capacity.  She had also been trying to avoid telling her boss what was going on in her personal life.  Eventually things came to a head and one of her staff made a formal complaint against her for bullying.  Amy’s employer could not have been more supportive, they knew this was out of character and wanted to wrap additional support around an employee they cared for while respecting her need for privacy. Too often we seek to control or change behaviour at work rather than understand it and Amy was fortunate to have an employer who knew that work and home life affects the other.

When Amy (not her real name) reached out to me she didn’t really know what she wanted, where to begin or how to move in a positive direction.  She was feeling exhausted, not sleeping, not eating well and for the first time in her life she was struggling to focus and make decisions both at work and at home.  Our first sessions together were of quite a practical nature finding ways Amy could reintroduce some much-needed routine and predictability in her daily life, sleep, and exercise routines. When she felt strong enough, we explored how her life had got to where it was, and we zig zagged our way towards what she needed to put in place to imagine a new life for herself.   I noticed that some of our sessions were incredibly sad, but others were filled with laughs and excitement sometimes a mixture of both but most importantly Amy felt restored and a renewed sense of self confidence.  Home life took on a new normality and she was able to embrace her work with energy and focus.

Change is not a linear process where we get to the finish line of a perfect life. Change is often a very unsettling time especially if it was not planned or if it feels overwhelming. But our lives are always changing from teenager to adult, navigating the highs and lows of caring for a child or elderly parent, menopause can be a debilitating change for many women and is a time of much needed support at home and work, a new health diagnoses often brings with it immense change and anxiety for the future.   I encourage my clients to embrace the tides of change, to learn to ride the ebbs and flows with the acceptance that tides turn, things change, and we can change.

If you or someone in your personal or work life is needing support with navigating a big transition in life, I encourage you to reach out and work with me. I have a no size fits all approach to therapy, I work at the pace of my client and session agendas are always set by my clients and I integrate a unique blend of therapy and coaching throughout our work together.   

Change can be hard at first, messy in the middle and the beginning of finding something wonderful. I am now taking bookings for 2023 and you can email me or book for an obligation free call to discuss how we may work together to support you, a loved one or an employee.